Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Who has What it Takes to be an Assassin?

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After
all of the background checks, interviews, and
testing were done there were three finalists
Two men and One woman. For the final test,
the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions,
no matter what the circumstances. Inside this
room you will find your wife sitting in a chair.
You have to kill her."
The first man said."You cannot be serious. I
could never shoot my wife,"
The agent replies, "Then you're not the right
man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room. All was
quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent
came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but
I can't kill my wife." The agent replies, "You
don't have what it takes. Take your wife and
go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. Only she
was told to kill her husband. She took the gun
and went into the room. Shots were heard, one
shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing,
banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all
was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood
the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow
and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was
loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death
with the chair."

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Empathy Deficit Disorder

adapted from the Toronto Star (link at the end)

According to Dr. Orlaith Fraser's , modern humankind's collective inability to genuinely identify with others has lead to a new problem: Empathy Deficit Disorder.

Empathy is often misunderstood to be sympathy, but empathy is quite different from sympathy.  The original German term  for empathy means "feeling into" as opposed to "feeling with."  Empathy is not merely realizing that someone else's feeling would be pleasant, or unpleasant.  That's sympathy.  Empathy is understanding what they are feeling, and relating it to times in your life when you may have felt similarly.

In Liverpool, Dr. Orlaith Fraser's fascinating study of chimps and conflict resolution shows that our closest evolutionary ancestors almost certainly are capable of empathy.   The research found that after a display of aggression, other chimps would often console the victimized chimp with hugs or kisses.

"This study removes doubt that consolation really does what the term suggests: provide relief to distressed parties after conflict," Dr. Frans de Waal of the Yerkes Primate Center at Emory University in Atlanta told The Associated Press.

"The evidence is compelling and makes it likely that consolation behaviour is an expression of empathy."

So how can humans make each other feel better?

There is an art to empathy.

In his new book Trading Places, Dr. Les Parrott, a clinical psychologist and his wife, Leslie, a family therapist, advise readers on how to build a better marriage (and, no, it doesn't involve marrying someone with the same first name).

Parrott says he's often fantasized about being able to "literally hand out a box of mutual empathy – the revolutionary tool for instantly improving a relationship."

We caught up with him by phone for a game of five questions.

Q: Where has our empathy gone?

A: Any time you're under pressure or stressed or hungry or angry, you're not going to be empathetic. What most people don't understand is that empathy involves both your head and your heart.

And most of us think we're being pretty generous when we do one or the other, when we analyze or sympathize, and that's only halfway there.

Q: What are the signs of Empathy Deficit Disorder?

A: The primary indicator is they just can't seem to recognize your perspective or another person's perspective.

Empathy is that ability to put yourself in somebody else's shoes and imagine what life must be like to be in their skin.

Q: Are women naturally more empathetic beings?

A: Research shows women will fall into sympathizing far more frequently than men and men tend to fall into analyzing far more frequently than women. It's not that either gender is necessarily better at empathy.

Q: Can a person learn empathy?

A: Absolutely. What we discovered in our research is that there are skills that people can pick up on.

There's a school of thought in psychology that says awareness is curative.

Once you become aware of your social style, the more you can do about it.

Q: Is there one social relationship where the empathy deficit is most apparent?

A: Marriage is by far and away the most likely place. We don't work at it very much; that's why people get stuck in ruts.

Research shows 90 per cent of the things we struggle with in marriage would be resolved if we just saw things from the other person's perspective.

Diana Zlomislic

LIVING REPORTER

Toronto Star

http://www.healthzone.ca/health/article/451439

A Book is Man's Best Friend...

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."       --Groucho

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Tuesday, December 16, 2008

You Don't Understand. No, I Think it is YOU Who Does Not Understand...

When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” They told me I didn’t understand the assignment and I told them they didn’t understand life. "

The author is unknown to me, as I read the quote online and no attribution was given.  Whoever it was, it was a wonderful bit of insight and one many of us could do with a reminder of.

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Comics for the Season

A few amusing comics about the season from around the web:

It May Not Be the Way You or I Would Handle it, but you MUST Admire the way Diaz Walks his Talk

from Zen Moments (original links at end)

"This is the amazing story of Julio Diaz, who was on his way home one evening. His normal routine was to get off the train one stop early, to visit his local diner.  The station platform was empty, but as he was walking towards the stairs something dramatic and unexpected happened.  Suddenly a young teenager came up to Julio, pulled a knife and demanded money.

Julio just handed over his wallet, saying: “Here you go”.

But as the teenager turned to go, Julio said: “Hey, wait a minute. You forgot something. If you’re going to be robbing people for the rest of the night, you might as well take my coat to keep you warm.”

The story unfolds with Julio offering to take the teenager to the diner to eat with him. He explains: “If you’re willing to risk your freedom for a few dollars, then I guess you must really need the money… I figure, you know, if you treat people right, you can only hope that they treat you right. It’s as simple as it gets in this complicated world.”

When they have finished eating, Julio asks for his wallet back in order to pay for the meal. He then offers to give the teenager $20 in exchange for one thing…

His knife."

http://www.zenmoments.org/victim-treats-mugger-right/

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=89164759

Love is a Behavior

This is a piece developed to benefit the Swedish national child protection agency. 

Behavior is the Truth
words: Andrew Vachss      art: Frank Caruso
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Monday, December 15, 2008

Wild Weather over Mt. Rainier

081205_rainier_cloud_02

A lenticular cloud has hovered over the state's tallest peak. Seen maybe a dozen times a year, it still looks cool every time.  The cloud is formed when warm, moist air runs into the surface of Mt. Rainier. The mountain's topography forces the air upward, which cools and condenses the air -- turning it into a cloud.
As the air sinks back on the other side of the mountain, it dries out and the cloud dissipates. That's why it just hangs over the summit area.

081205_rainier_11

Photos and explanation from KOMO News 4 in Seattle.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

A Sign for Our Times

This is just my way of recognizing a piece of 'news' that I think is front page stuff.  We all expect Navy Seals to be tough, resilient and highly motivated. Even by these high standards, Lieutenant Jason Redman stands out. He is a SEAL – part of the Navy's elite Special Ops team – who took rounds from a machine-gun in his face and arm in Iraq last year. Jason posted a bright orange sign on the door of his hospital room at Bethesda National Naval Medical Center:

image

Just in case it is hard to read, here is the text:

"Attention to all who enter here. If you are coming into this room with sorrow or to feel sorry for my wounds, go elsewhere. The wounds I received I got in a job I love, doing it for people I love, supporting the freedom of a country I deeply love. I am incredibly tough and will make a full recovery. What is full? That is the absolute utmost physically my body has the ability to recover. Then I will push that about 20 percent further through sheer mental tenacity. This room you are about to enter is a room of fun, optimism, and intense rapid regrowth. If you are not prepared for that, go elsewhere."

Thank you for your service Lieutenant Jason Redman.  And thank you for the inspiration you have brought to many of us without doing anything beyond being yourself.

Refer to the National Review online for additional details of the story. 

Good or Bad, You get on with it.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."                                            --Robert Frost

Sometimes the greatest wisdom slips by unnoticed, disguised as ordinary and hidden in plain sight.  I always thought that this statement by Robert Frost was deeply insightful, and to avoid only picking a poet as a surrogate for expressing this wise point of view, it reminds me of the dialogue in Tombstone when Doc Holiday is dying in the sanitarium and Wyatt Earp tells him he just doesn't know how to live anymore.  Holiday's (Val Kilmer's) well-written and well-acted reply was an earnest and soft: "It's just life, Wyatt.  You get on with it."  And really, the more I reflect on this idea, the more I come to feel that there is wisdom enough to live a fine life just by listening and remembering this idea often.  Ultimately, with or without our consent and participation, life goes on.

Sunshine on Discovery Bay

Sunshine on Discovery Bay
As always, the photos we use are either my own, or in the public domain. Please let me know if there are any errors and I'll correct them immediately.